Those Nights

Let me start this post by saying that I am hormonal and on my "woman time". 

Every once in a while, my past sneaks back up on me as I am trying to fall asleep and makes me feel things that make it hard to relax.

Mostly, they are bad feelings.  (The good ones do not keep me awake...)

Makes me wonder 'What if'.  Makes me think about things I could have done different.  Makes me wonder about how those people would see me now.  Would they be proud?  Honestly, I don't know.  And that makes me really sad. 

I would not change my life for anything.  I am so ridiculously happy with where I am, especially considering how rough the path getting here was. 

I wouldn't change it to have any of those people back, or to go back and change my decisions.  If I changed those moments, I might not have Ty or Whimzy. Or even this amazingly clingy cat on my shoulder.

All of that logic does not help me on "those nights".  It just frustrates me that I cannot make myself feel the way I should.  I just wish I could force my emotions into the little boxes that they belong in and keep them there. 

I know, not wedding oriented.  I did warn that this was not going to be all about the wedding anymore, though. 

Time for sleep.  Whimzy does not go easy on me in the mornings just because I am tired. And, now the cat is in cahoots with her. 

 

I will be fine in the morning.  I always am.