Questions and Preschool

Well, we started our couple's counseling today with our officiator.

He was really sweet and almost apologetic that the only workbook he could find was Christian.  We do not mind, I just have to find one of my Bibles for the questions that we need scriptures for.  We have a homework assignment!  I am actually excited about doing it.  Anything that brings Ty and I closer is okay with me.

 

Whimzy starts preschool the day after her birthday.  Already. She is going to be getting some speech therapy sessions while she is there, so hopefully she will be up to par in a few months.  I am excited and sad all at the same time.  Excited because we get to do all of the school stuff like buying supplies and getting her a first day of school outfit.  Not to mention that this means I get 3-4 hours a day, 4 days a week that I can get stuff done without worrying about Whimzy and Ty and I can have some time alone while the sun is still up.  Sad, because if she goes to preschool until kindergarten, then this is us saying that we aren't the only people in her life anymore.  Ty is upset because he is hardly going to see her during the week now, but we both understand how important this is going to be for her.  I can't wait to go school supply shopping for her and meet her teachers! 

 

I felt like the worst mom a little bit ago.  I had the worst headache and while I waited for it to subside, I basically threw a movie on tv, laid down with Whimzy, and fell asleep.  She stayed cuddling with me through the entire movie, so she wasn't getting into any trouble, but I felt fairly negligent.  My headache has diminished, though.  Thank God. 

 

 

<3

An Actual Wedding Post

My posts lately have been very me-oriented.  Recipes, feelings, etc...

Well, there has been a lot going on wedding-wise so I figured I would use the time between laundry loads to update everybody!

For me it is crunch time!  Things have to be done, and they need to be done soon.  For Ty, I do not think crunch time happens until May sometime.  That being said, we are both on completely different stress levels right now.  Sometimes it is nice to have him sit me down and tell me to relax and that we have plenty of time, other times it drives me crazy because I feel like we have so much to do and "relaxing" is not on one of my 7 to-do lists.  This is the same guy who finished Whimzy's nursery barely two weeks before she was born and it caused me a great deal of heartburn.

I know everything is going to be fine, though.  I love him and in this type of situation I can really see how we balance each other out. 

 

We have our first counseling meeting with our officiator this Thursday.  Apparently we have a workbook that we need to work through.  I cannot wait to see how this works out.  I can see it being hilarious.  We have to check with him to make sure that he is okay with a few ceremony details we have picked out.  He is Baptist, so I am not sure how outside of the box he is comfortable with.  I am hoping that he approves everything that we have picked out because we have some pretty awesome stuff planned.  (Spoilers! *hope somebody gets the Doctor Who reference!)

 

Like I implied, we have our passages for the wedding picked out, as well as who is going to read them, and hopefully the Unity ceremony that we are going to be doing.  The passages, as well as the Unity ceremony, are all a little outside of the normal trodden path for weddings, but we are hoping that most of this wedding is! 

 

My lovely stationary Goddess, Amanda P, is hard at work on the invites.  They are amazing and I am so lucky to have a friend who is so talented and so generous to do this for us!

 

We have made some minor changess in what we want for decorations and have decided to go with minimal decor because of the awesome view that the room has.  We spend the extra money on the venue so that we could cut down on other areas, so it makes sense. 

 

We have almost all of the songs picked out for the ceremony and the reception.  Still waiting on some discussions with my "fathers" for the father-daughter dances, but I am excited to hear what they come up with. 

 

I think we made a few decisions about when we are going to open presents and when we are leaving for the honeymoon, also. 

 

My honorary Mother of the Bride, my MOH, and another bridesmaid are all hard at work planning the shower and the Bachelorette party, details are going to be forthcoming. 

 

We finished our Target registry this past weekend and it was a ton of fun, probably the least stressful part of the whole wedding-planning process. 

 

As always, any concrete details are posted on our website!  So, check it out often to keep up to date on what is going on. 

 

Thanks everybody for reading this, and for caring what is going on in this crazy head and life of mine.  I really appreciate everybody's support and love during this time and I am especially thankful for any of Ty's family who reads this.  I cannot wait to become a Christensen!

 

Love you!

<3

Calm down!!!

I need to calm down.

Seriously, I need to take a deep breath and step back.

At the moment, I have my weekly/monthly to-do lists in my organization binder, a "Mommy-must" list on the fridge that has my projects, a list of appointments above the stove, my daily to-do lists in my planner, a school to-do list in my school notebook, and then a list of weekly goals tucked inside of my planner.

Let's count, shall we?

That is 1,2,3,4,5,6,7...count them...7...to-do lists.

Granted, some of them overlap a bit, but still...

Who in the hell needs 7 to-do lists?

I want everything to be perfect.

Now that I have motivation, I guess I am trying to make up for the lost years when I was a total loser.

I want my storage unit organized, I want all of my information organized, I want my apartment clean all of the time, I want to do fun, educational things with Whimzy, I want good grades, I want to expand my culinary horizons, I want to spend time with friends, I want to spend time with Ty, I want to plan my wedding, I want to read more, I want to keep up on laundry, I want to write a blog worth reading, I want to work-out, I want to never lose another document or picture because of my crappy computer, I want to spend time with my family, I want to go see my mom more, I want to call my dad more, and I WANT TO DOCUMENT IT ALL (which includes re-vamping my recipe-binder, taking pictures then printing them out and putting them in albums, and trying to save and organize all of Whimzy's little moments)!

 

See all of these things that I want to accomplish?  Most of them are ongoing battles that never end. 

I did not have any priorities before?

Well, now I have too many! 

The last two meals I ate, I was writing, scheduling, and making phone calls while I ate. 

And the worst part is that when I feel like I am not getting enough done, I flip out.  Or, if I feel like things are not going according to my plan, I have an anxiety attack.  Poor Ty.  He started our relationship with this unreliable, kind of crazy girl who loved to sleep til noon and spend all day drinking rum and watching pirate movies.  Now, he is with a more stable woman who can't seem to relax, but cooks him lots of food.  I am not sure if it is a good trade or not. 

I can do it all, I know I can.  But honestly I just feel like I am never going to be able to keep up with this vision of perfection I have in my head.  I feel guilty when I take time to cuddle with Ty in the morning.  I feel like there is so much more that I am just not doing that I should be doing, even more than my 7 to-do lists spell out.  I feel like even on my good days, I am failing. I feel like I should not feel overwhelmed.  So many people do so much more than I do and do it without acting like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.  Why does it feel so hard?  Why do I feel like I need to make everything perfect?  Why can't I calm down, even just for a day? 

I am not really complaining.  I love my life.  I love that I have the chance to make up for my Lost Years (I think that is what I am going to start referring to the years of 2003-2011 as), but I obviously still need to take some major steps in coping and prioritizing.  Is that something else I need to add to my list of things I want? *sigh*

Well, I guess I can discuss this all with my therapist tomorrow and I really hope that I can maybe work through it, even if it takes a few sessions and some re-learning how to meditate.

 

Well, that is enough ranting for tonight, I have to go finish my to-do list...

 

<3

Pretzels and A Perfect Saturday

So, yesterday, I finally got around to making my homemade pretzels!

Here is the recipe that I used:

http://www.thecurvycarrot.com/2012/07/25/pretzel-rolls-with-beer-cheese-sauce-milwaukee-style/

 

And here is the picture!

 

They did not turn out quite as pretty as the blog I got the recipe from suggested, but from Ty's face, they were yummy.

 

 

He ate them all within two sittings.

Nutritionally, the pretzels got a B- and came in at 161 calorie a serving (the recipe makes 8 servings) and the beer-cheese sauce came in at a D and 150 calories a serving (I figured that you could get about 10 servings out of a cup and the recipe makes 2 cups!).  They did take me a couple of hours to make, but I think it was worth it based on Ty's reaction.  We also have a ton of the beer-cheese sauce leftover to use for other stuff.

 

The second recipe I made yesterday was Ty's pepperoni pizza rolls to try to phase out spending money every week on frozen pizza rolls.  This was our first try to make bite-size pizza snacks. 

This is the link to the recipe:

http://whataboutpie.blogspot.com/2010/10/pepperoni-rolls.html?m=1

 

And picture:

 

I just bought store bought marinara sauce to dip them in.  Ty liked them, but I am going to keep searching for different recipes until I find one that he absolutely loves.  Nutritionally, without the marinara sauce, these equaled out to a D+ and 276 calories a serving (Ty estimated that he will get about 12 servings from the recipe).  I also think that this recipe could be modified to add more healthy ingredients like mushrooms and veggies or even to change it to a philly cheese-steak roll with beef and sauteed green peppers with cheese.  Also, after making the pretzels, this was SUPER easy.  The only modification that I made was to use pre-made, pre-rolled pizza crust from Pillsbury instead of the rolls that the link suggests.  I don't have a rolling pin, so I had to think of something, and I think they turned out awesome. 

 

Yesterday felt amazing.  I got to sleep in, leisurely work on some school stuff, and then spend my afternoon cooking and my evening cuddling with my family and some alone time with Ty after Whimzy went to bed.  It was a perfect day. 

And today, I am grateful that I do not have to go outside in this crazy ice-rain thing that is going on outside and. 

 

I am going to be able to start eating some of my own recipes soon, so an increase of low-carb recipes is probably going to be hitting by next weekend :) 

 

<3

 

 



From Scratch

I am making pretzels and some pepperoni pizza rolls today.  The apartment is kinda' messy and I have a bunch of stuff left to do on my to-do list, but I figured I can do all of that tomorrow.  Today, I want to cook.  I did school stuff, so I am not being completely irresponsible and technically the stuff that I am cooking is working towards my goal of cutting out convenience foods from our diets. Rationalization is amazing.  ;)

 

But I digress...

So, the pretzel dough is rising for the first time right now.  It is completely from scratch.  I hardly ever have time or the concentration to make anything from complete scratch.  Usually, there is canned something or the dough came from Pillsbury.  With Whimzy running around, I just do not have the focus to be able to really work dough or stew my own tomatoes.  It is a long, long-term goal to be able to can my own veggies and fruits, but that is not happening right now so I rely on store bought canned goods.

I do not think that I have really worked with real, homemade dough since I was really young and helping Nana with Easter bread.  That was giant plastic totes full of dough and at least 50 loaves that I was responsible for carrying back and forth to the "rising room", which was really just Papa's bedroom that he was shoved out of for a few days while we made the bread.  I remember helping put it into the loaf pans, helping pour the nuts into it, and how amazing the house smelled.  It was my favorite part of Easter while we were still doing it. 

Today, it felt amazing, my hands all full of flour, smelling the yeast, and hoping that I did not screw it up.  I am still waiting for it to rise, and I am really hoping it does.  Even if I fail on this, the tactical pleasure and the memories that it brought back were worth the try, and I would definitely give it another try next weekend. 

It would seriously be awesome if I can pull this off, though.  And Ty is loving the smell of the dough that is wafting through the apartment. 

 

I look at my artistic friends, and how they express themselves through art and how art is an outlet for them.  I don't think I will ever be capable of drawing more than a stick figure and I will probably never be "crafty", but I have come to realize in these last few months that I have cooking.  It helps me relax, makes me feel accomplished, can help raise my self-esteem, and helps me work through some of my emotions and realize goals. 

Plus, I love the look on Ty's face when I make something amazing :)

 

I am going to have to work the passion that I feel for cooking and food into a more healthy perspective on food and try to keep it all in balance, but I know I can do it, and I am proud of myself for finding something that I love to do and that I can do.  

One Thing DONE!

Our registry is DONE!  I mean, we can still add stuff online if we want, but the in-store stuff is completely DONE!  Super excited to have one thing down for the wedding. 

I know it is a tiny thing, but being able to check something off of our checklist feels amazing and really took a weight off of my shoulders.

 

Other than that, not much is going on.  We have a relaxing weekend planned working on some apartment stuff and hopefully getting some quiet time alone together after Whimzy goes to bed.

 

I also plan on making my own pretzels this weekend and some other recipes, pictures will be shared once I have more than one :) 

 

And check out the website for updated registry info!

 

<3



More Pinterest Stuff

I made a few recipes today, mostly for Ty because of this stupid diet.

He buys PowerBars like there is no tomorrow and spends probably $10-$15 a week on them. 

So, I tried making homemade ones for him.

This is the link that I got the recipe from:

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/dr-oz-no-bake-energy-bars

 

And here is the picture:

 

Ty likes them a lot.  He says that they are more filling than store-bought ones and they need a glass of milk to eat. I also doubled the recipe. I am probably going to make a batch a week and try experimenting with adding different things like chocolate chips, raisins, or maybe some other types of dried fruits.  The recipe ended up with a C- on my nutrition tracker with a total of 239 calories per bar.  With the recipe doubled, I got 10 bars out of it.  And, this recipe came out to under $3 for the entire batch. 

 

My second recipe was a way to spice up Ty's sandwiches a bit so he wouldn't get as bored and stray towards fast food or stopping at gas stations (gotta save up for the wedding!). 

Cheesy-Bacon Cornbread.

Here is the link:

http://simply-delicious.co.za/2011/03/09/bacon-mielie-corn-bread/

And picture:

 

Ty loved it!  It was super easy to make, but next time I think I will add more bacon and maybe throw some cheese in the bread instead of just on top.  I bought enough stuff for two batches, so I might make this again next week.  There is probably going to be a bunch more bread recipes coming up.  The bread ended up with a B- on my nutrition tracker and 300 calories per slice.  I only had mini-loaf pans, so each of the mini loaves got 6 good-sized slices and I estimated that the recipe makes about 12 slices. 

 

Still have some pretzels with beer-cheese sauce coming up this week along with some croque monsieurs.  There should have been a Pizza Roll type snack, but Ty ate all the pepperoni, so that may have to wait til' next week.  If any of them are picture/share worthy, I will definitely post.

 

Oh, btw, I made brownies last night with "hidden" vegetables.  They sucked.  Not worth sharing except to say that you could definitely at least smell the broccoli.  Ick. 

 

<3 

 



Another Reason Why I'm Marrying Him and Dresses!

My ladies picked out the dresses!  Well, the one dress.  Even though I was okay with, and even encouraged, my bridesmaids to have different dresses, they picked out the same dress.  It is a long, strapless dress with a little bit of a gather right at the hip.  It flatters all of my ladies, even with their widely different body types.  And the color I picked out is awesome!  I am so happy with it and how nice it is going to look next to my green dress :)

Also, I love my ladies.  We had a good time and they were all so supportive of each other and of me.  Only one did not go yesterday, and I am hoping for a one-on-one trip together or at least a hang-out session to talk about her dress. 

I am so freaking lucky to have such awesome people around me for my wedding! 

Oh, and Aunt Lori came up with us!  She was super, super helpful and we even got her to try on one dress.  I cannot wait to go shopping with her for her dress and we can pick out my mom's outfit.  I also have plans to go shopping with my future sister-in-law for her dress and we have to go look for Whiimzy's dress soon.  Things are picking up and we are getting so, so excited!

 

And another reason to marry Ty?  As if I don't have enough...

Well, last night I was super, super overwhelmed.  I just felt like there was no way I could ever get everything done, not only for the wedding but for everything in life in general.  So, today, after he woke up, he did dishes, started picking up the living room and did some laundry to help me feel a little more in control of what had to be done.  I now feel amazing and have a ton of motivation to get stuff done.  I am so thankful I have a guy who helps me out when I feel horrible.  I have no doubt in my mind about wanting to spend the rest of my life with him.  

Woohoo! Pictures!

 

Well, here is the picture of the Buffalo Ranch Chicken!  Apparently I need to upload them to Google+ to put them on here because my uploader won't work.  Silly. Well, there you go!  Yummy chicken :)

 

 

Insanity and Ty Food

This past Wednesday I spend at least 7 hours doing nothing but cleaning.  I scrubbed floors, organized, vacuumed, dusted, disinfected, and made 90% of my apartment spotless. 

By Thursday night, it looked like I had a circus in here.  There was popcorn everywhere, random toddler underwear strewn about, toys every 6 inches, and just general disarray. If you had walked into this household last night, you would have believed I hadn't cleaned since we moved in. 

So, why do I do the ridiculous repetitive chores?  I mean, I had to vacuum, tidy, and do a lot of that work again today and it will probably have to be done again tomorrow afternoon.  Ty doesn't really care unless it gets in the way of him doing stuff, and Whimzy loves having toys everywhere. 

It is for a few reasons:

A) It makes me feel better when the place is clean, even if I get frustrated, angry, and a bit psycho feeling after it gets trashed in less than 24 hours.

B) I remember how bad it can get from my less than perfect younger days.

C) Paranoia.  What would happen if a social service worker stopped by to ask for directions and my place didn't look fit for a healthy toddler?  I could lose Whimzy!! 

Granted, my place is nowhere near perfect 90% of the time, and my bedroom is only clean about 10% of the time, but keeping up on it is easier when I do a bit each day.  And that 10% of the time when Whimzy is in bed and Ty is at work and I can just sit and enjoy the clean almost makes the crazy worth it. 

 

So, this diet has me eating a very strict amount and type of food.  And since I measure part of my self-worth by the food that I have cooked, it was really bugging me.  My passion from life was missing.  So, I sat Ty down yesterday and had him pick out some recipes from my Pinterest board for snacks and meals that he would like me to make.  This would serve 2 purposes.  Hopefully, having homemade snacks and convenience food available at home would stop him from spending money at Kwik Trip and would be healthier.  It would also satisfy my need to cook and take care of him.  I am super excited about this week because I am stepping outside of my comfort zone and cooking things I wouldn't normally really consider.  I will even be making my own pretzels!  How exciting is that? 

 

Tonight was the first recipe.  Buffalo-Ranch Chicken.  Super easy, and something that Ty would absolutely love. 

 He loved it!  I got the recipe from Pinterest, who led me to this link:
 

http://reallyfrompinterest.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2012-02-03T11:52:00-08:00&max-results=1&start=11&by-date=false

The 3 lbs. will last Ty 2-3 meals and can be used after the initial meal as shredded chicken for sandwiches, diced chicken for salads, or just plain.  The sauce left over in the slow-cooker can be used for a bunch of different stuff including dips for those sandwiches, sauce for chips and pretzels, and toppings for anything else he wants to put it on. 
Side note: The 3 lbs. will last most people at least 4 meals, but Ty is a monster and eats 3 breasts at a time.  For 3 breasts, it came out to about 600 calories (which would be reduced with less chicken, obviously) and ended up with a B- on my nutrient tracker/calorie counter website.  I paired it with some chicken broccoli rice and salad. 

I will try to keep up on all of the new recipes that I am trying and post them on here :)

Ugh, and I am about to throw a fit because the picture uploader is not working!
Here is the link to my Facebook picture of the chicken:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152426626170366&set=a.10150808771980366.735638.786490365&type=3&theater

Roller Coaster

I had a bad day, then night, and then morning.

After feeling so wonderful for a few days, this little bit of a dip in my mood/life feels even more dramatic than normal.

Yesterday I could just not get up the energy to do anything.  I ended up watching Disney movies with Whimzy and cuddling all afternoon. 

Then last night I felt like I was getting sick and I had some anxiety issues.

And to top it all off this morning Ty and I got in a fight.  Not an end all be all fight or anything life changing, but still a fight.

Totally sent me into an anxiety ridden morning.

I hid in my room with Ivan (my stuffed hedgehog that I took with me when I was separated from my mom) and mobile Pinterest.  Cried it out, took a shower, and then decided that I needed to suck it up and move forward.

Got out of bed, made myself and Whimzy lunch and took an energy shot.

Waiting for that to kick in so that I can tackle my to-do list from yesterday and today.

Times like this really make me realize that no matter how far I have come in my battle against depression and anxiety, I am still battling it.  Even with more good than bad days, I still have to remember how to deal and how to move forward.  The upside, or so I am telling myself, is that a few years ago, after a bad 24 hours, it would take me another 3 days to pick myself up and move on.  Now, I can do it as soon as I realize that I need to.  I may still not feel the best, but I can make myself function and I can push myself through it all.

I have learned that pushing myself through it but giving myself a little bit of understanding is much better than just curling up in bed and ignoring the world.

I wish I would have had the strength a few years ago to realize this, I might have avoided a bunch of mistakes and would have to be rebuilding so much of my life right now, but hindsight is 20/20.

 

I still need to work on my self-esteem, a lot.  I think that will take time, though.  I am a better person today than I was before and that is what I need to remember when I feel sad or scared. 

 

I am extremely thankful for the couple of friends that reached out to me when I posted my status on fb at 4am.  They really helped me put things in perspective. 

 

So, time to go push foward and pick up Ponies.  Ah.  The life of a mom...

Stupid Energy Shot

Cannot sleep.  My legs are all twitchy.  Could be because of that energy shot I took this afternoon...

Apparently I did not need anymore energy.

Actually, the last few days I have felt amazing and more motivated than ever to make my life run smoother and make myself a better person. 

I have some serious personality flaws that need working on, and the New Year is just the time to do it!  I seem to be doing a pretty darn good job, too. 

I am hoping that this sudden surge of energy has something to do with my change in eating habits, but until it lasts longer than a few days I am reserving my exuberance at the change.  No point in getting excited over a fluke!

 

I think Ty finally read some of the blogs.  Silly him.  I had to bug him for forever to get him to sit down and read them.  He didn't even comment on any of them!  Rude. 

 

So, I tried uploading a picture of Whimzy jumping for joy over how awesome life is, but my computer hates me and does not want me to succeed at anything, so that may have to wait. 

 

Okay, I should probably go try to crawl back in bed and get some sleep.  Another full day of awesomeness ahead of me in the morning. 

 

 

 

 



Weight Loss, Cravings, and What I REALLY Want

As of today, I am down 8.2 lbs. in one week.  I can deal with that.  If I do this diet for 3 weeks with a 3 week maintenance diet for two rounds, I should be able to get down to 150 lbs for the wedding.  I cannot wait to see the look on the ladies who do my dress alterations when I go in!

That good news being out of the way, I could seriously kill a puppy to eat some cheesy tater tots from Burger King.  I swear, if they are gone by the time I can eat them again, I am going to go on a rampage.  A bloody, emotional rampage.

 

On a more wedding-ish note, we pretty much finished up our Bed, Bath, and Beyond registry!  We registered for dinnerware, but it is probably the lowest thing on what we would really like to receive.  We really need our bedroom stuff, towels, the kitchen stuff (besides the actual dinnerware), and the accent furniture. I would love to get the two buffets and the bookshelves we want! 

We have also started our Target registry and it is going to have a bunch of the stuff that Bed, Bath, and Beyond doesn't carry. For instance, we already registered for a Blu-Ray player and some first aid kits at Target. 

 

As I plan and move through checklists for the wedding, I am really getting excited.  

So Freakin' Lucky

We just started registering!

It was so much fun!  I got to scan everything that looked even remotely cool. Espresso machine, bullet blender, food processor, new pillows, new comforter, an ice cream scoop...you name it, we got to scan it and put it on our list!

Since we already live together, we are just working on upgrading our current stuff or finally trying to get some stuff that we want/need.  There was this wine/buffet piece of furniture that had room for wine bottles and space to hang wine and beer glasses from plus some shelves and drawers and an expanding top.  We REALLY want it.  I know the perfect little space for it. 

We still have at least one more appointment at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and we plan on registering at Target, also. 

 

Want to check out our registry so far?

bedbathandbeyon.com

Registry Number: 13205531

Under the names: Cara Robertson and Ty Christensen

 

 

Info will be posted on our website, also!

And remember, we are going to be adding more and there is a whole other store we will be registering at.

 

 

And, let me say, Ty and I did not really disagree about anything.  It was so easy and so much fun.  I am so lucky to have such a great guy ;)

Moving Along, Continued Awesomeness, and Getting Serious

Happy New Year!

2012 was a pretty amazing year for me, so I am not wishing for a new beginning or a better year this year.

That being said, this year is looking like it is going to be even better than last year was!  I am getting married this year!  I get to become Mrs. Ty Christensen this year and live out my fairy tale wedding surrounded by my favorite people. 

After some slow time regarding wedding planning, we are finally back on fast forward with our plans. 

We are registering this coming weekend and looking at tuxes, the invites are started, the appointment for the Bridesmaids and other VIP people dresses is made, and the Save The Dates finally went out.  I also started buying flowers and other decor stuff! 

It is starting to look like a real thing now, not just some far off event.

 

Also, today is the first day of my new diet program.  Can't wait to post some after pictures in a couple of months :)

 

I hope everybody is excited for the year ahead of them and is thankful for 2012!

 

I would post a fun pic of Whimzy jumping to illustrate how awesome life is right now, but I haven't uploaded it from my camera yet...lol.