Roller Coaster

I had a bad day, then night, and then morning.

After feeling so wonderful for a few days, this little bit of a dip in my mood/life feels even more dramatic than normal.

Yesterday I could just not get up the energy to do anything.  I ended up watching Disney movies with Whimzy and cuddling all afternoon. 

Then last night I felt like I was getting sick and I had some anxiety issues.

And to top it all off this morning Ty and I got in a fight.  Not an end all be all fight or anything life changing, but still a fight.

Totally sent me into an anxiety ridden morning.

I hid in my room with Ivan (my stuffed hedgehog that I took with me when I was separated from my mom) and mobile Pinterest.  Cried it out, took a shower, and then decided that I needed to suck it up and move forward.

Got out of bed, made myself and Whimzy lunch and took an energy shot.

Waiting for that to kick in so that I can tackle my to-do list from yesterday and today.

Times like this really make me realize that no matter how far I have come in my battle against depression and anxiety, I am still battling it.  Even with more good than bad days, I still have to remember how to deal and how to move forward.  The upside, or so I am telling myself, is that a few years ago, after a bad 24 hours, it would take me another 3 days to pick myself up and move on.  Now, I can do it as soon as I realize that I need to.  I may still not feel the best, but I can make myself function and I can push myself through it all.

I have learned that pushing myself through it but giving myself a little bit of understanding is much better than just curling up in bed and ignoring the world.

I wish I would have had the strength a few years ago to realize this, I might have avoided a bunch of mistakes and would have to be rebuilding so much of my life right now, but hindsight is 20/20.

 

I still need to work on my self-esteem, a lot.  I think that will take time, though.  I am a better person today than I was before and that is what I need to remember when I feel sad or scared. 

 

I am extremely thankful for the couple of friends that reached out to me when I posted my status on fb at 4am.  They really helped me put things in perspective. 

 

So, time to go push foward and pick up Ponies.  Ah.  The life of a mom...